Let's Football | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, July 13, 2018 / LAST MODIFIED: 02:22 PM, July 17, 2018


Let's Football

Football fever has reached its peak all over the world over due to the ongoing FIFA World Cup. However, Bangladesh's foray into the global sport was met with deafening criticism, owing to widespread allegations of corruption in the augural Independent Cup of Digital Democracy (ICDD).

This came as a surprise as FIFA itself is one of the most corrupt organisations in the world while at the same time being one of the most racist, with the commentary on Sweden vs England being a case in point (Look at the respect these Europeans have for each other, such grace, such class. Haha the occasional EF OFF but that's in the SPIRIT of the game. OH LUKAKU IS A BEAST BUT HARRY KANE IS JUST CLASS).

The ICDD was designed to generate hype for the probably, hopefully, upcoming elections, pitting the electoral participants in friendly games of football, also known as soccer by idiots.

Even before the first kick, the second favourites in the tournament, Bangladesh Patriots Football Club (BPFC), claimed that some of their top players had disappeared right before the tournament.

They literally vanished into thin air and were not even found on the borders of any neighbouring countries, having gone mentally insane as is prone to happen sometimes never in this world.

Soon after the disappearances, the two midfielders of the BPFC fell foul of the anti-drug drive after being tested positive for doping.

Then came the biggest shock when their key defender was not allowed to return to the country having decided to stay out of the country for a while. Although he claimed it was because of what happened to his partner in defense (he dead), his justification was not confirmed.

The Football Commission (FC), tasked with overseeing the tournament, then declared that these were only fair and that players disappear all the time, citing the example of one Lionel Messi, who apparently vanished during the entirety of the World Cup tournament.

The second row emerged after the first draw pitted BPFC and Nationalist Football Club. BPFC claimed that the reigning champion, Bangladesh Peasants and Workers Football Club (BPWFC), had rigged the draw by “stuffing the ballot”, a footballing term I swear used to describe the heating up of a ball.

However, the FC denied the rigging and said it was free and fair and only six out of 10 balls for the draw might have been tampered with. Although that negated the whole free and fair idea, it was still something the commission decided to run with.

At this time, there are real fears that BPFC will withdraw from the tournament proper. If so, the FC has decided to continue with the rest of the fixture despite an international expression of concern.

“We are deeply concerned at the allegations although we will do nothing about it but send this very strongly worded letter,” FIFA said in a recent statement.

Ratcheting up the pressure, there are rumours that if BPFC do withdraw, they will never be allowed to participate in the tournament again.

There were also some instances of fans being confused about the acronyms BPFC and BPWFC but for them, the FC released a statement earlier today, saying “The difference is the W. Everything else about the clubs are the same. But the W is all that matters, ok?” They added a small notation to help explain that W is also for Women, winning the BPWFC another feather in their relentless campaign for equality.

If the tournament is to go through, two things are for sure. That electricity will never go before and during the tournament and that it will be digital, much like everything else.

“Everything is digital and we will use VAR, only when it is convenient for us,” the FC said on the issue.

VAR is the much-discussed Video Assistant Referee, which helps on-field referees to take correct decisions. Another digital aspect is that all the players will be registered, provided they give their family biography, eye retina scans, blood samples, urine samples, bank account and tin numbers, a short summary of their sex life, what they eat and also a stool sample. This is all to ensure the safety of the players, lest they ever disappear as is currently happening.

Although some players did protest against this infringement of privacy, the FC Chairman was quick to say that their protest looked like the Taliban videos. It made no sense, but in this country, you would rather give up all rights than be labelled a Jamaat-Shibir man.

Democracy will eventually triumph though, the FC Chairman promised. He did not mention whose or what kind of democracy it would be.  

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