Welcome to today’s class, fellow sistren. Do YOU want to make people applaud your every action? Who doesn’t want to be ‘the perfect girl’ uncles and aunties rave about at social gatherings? Well good thing I’m here to tell you how:
DON’T be a feminist, if you don’t want people to assume that you hate the male species because apparently, that is what feminism means these days. Don’t even think about uttering these words let alone BE one. Just no.
Do all the household chores and help everyone out with theirs too, especially the guys who, according to elders, didn’t receive that ‘How to: Life’ manual that came in the delivery along with you. You can’t expect anyone else to fulfill their own basic responsibilities let alone help you out with yours. How could you?
Maintain yourself, but not too much. No one wants to be that girl who attracts too much male attention, but be sure to attract just the ‘right’ amount if you don’t want people to judge your value in the world every day.At the end of the day, if you can’t be classified as ‘pretty enough’ by society’s absurd beauty standards, what are you doing even?
Be the one who takes care of everyone in the family because that’s the only thing girls are born to do. Make sure everyone is maintaining their personal hygiene like showering, cutting their toe and fingernails, because that too is a part of YOUR job. You must brush their teeth for them if need be. That’s right, you heard me.
You MUST be pleasant at all times. Sit with your legs crossed and speak in a low, soothing tone because you must be feminine. Smile even when you’re uncomfortable because that’s what all the ‘bhodroghorer’ girls do. Be sure to never ever raise your voice, unless you want to hear the ‘meyehoyejonmecho’ lecture from uncles, aunties and your parents. Greet guests and serve them refreshments but don’t hang around after, remember, we don’t want to seem cheap and unladylike.
Don’t go on hangouts with friends too much and definitely don’t stay out after dark. Try to stay at home as much as possible to show people that you are indeed from a bhodroghor.
Keep your opinions to yourself. They don’t really matter. Refrain from sharing your ideas and taking any sort of leadership. Everyone knows women can’t be leaders. No one likes bossy, stuck up women who want to control everything. Get used to never being taken seriously. The sooner you accept it, the better.
These are just some of the tips and tricks I’ve learnt over the years. I hope you follow these steps and FINALLY manage to make everyone proud of you because what other people think of you is the only thing that matters. If at any point you think you’re being treated unfairly then you’re already failing sister. Get it together.
Afsara loves wasting time looking at memes. Send her more at fb.com/afsaraakhan