Too conservative to die? Karen Smith, American national, believes Covid-22 is liberal propaganda

Karen Smith (46) from Florida [also known as the Noakhali of America] was planning a bbq party last weekend. I reached out to her over Zoom after her neighbour, Alavi Ahmed (21), tipped me off.

My friend Alavi and his family immigrated to the US, and have been living in the house beside Karen's for three years. Neither party is very happy about it.

At first, Karen seemed apprehensive about speaking to a brown person, but she agreed after I informed her that her picture will appear in the newspaper alongside the important messages she has for the world.

"Hey I have nothing against y'all but there's always a terrible smell of curry coming from our neighbours' house at all times. You can't stand within a 100-metre radius of that house," Karen said, nose scrunched in disgust.

"No offence," she added, a fake smile plastered on her face.

"None taken," I said in a fake reply. But racism is the least of Karen's many virtues.

"Look I'm sure you will ask why I am planning a party while there's some virus going around," Karen said, deeply annoyed.

"So what, does my life just stop here? No way," she said, "I think this is a liberal conspiracy to get everyone to vaccinate. They're spreading panic for no reason. The vaccines are the real villains, not viruses. Virus, bacteria, disease -- they're all completely natural. The human body is more than capable of battling these using natural remedies such as crystals, sage and cleansing tea."

"Anyway, me and my friends from the neighbourhood will perform a ritual by burning sage under the supermoon after our party. This will ward off the evil aura this virus is bringing. My son Georgie (15) said it's 'killing his vibe'," she added.

"Of course, my son has not been vaccinated so his natural immune system grew stronger and stronger. It's the vaccines that insert harmful chemicals, which later cause horrible diseases of the mind, such as sympathising with communism. I've heard they can also inject chips with those vaccines to spy on you!" Karen continued her monologue while I tried to sneak a look into her house.

She appeared to be sitting on a couch in her living room. A "live, laugh, love" sign was visible behind her. There were some healing crystals and a copy of US Weekly on a table beside the couch.

"But this virus is killing people all over the world, and it doesn't even have a vaccine yet. That's why social distancing is crucial to prevent it," I interject, mistakenly hoping that I can talk sense into her.

"Yes viruses only kill poor people in poor countries. Remember that kibolla virus? These things only happen in Africa," Karen told me.

"No offence," she said, again with a fake smile, "I don't think it can get to us. Me and my husband regularly do rage yoga and my kids take Gwyneth Paltrow's health supplements. Leave us alone with our bbq party, now."

And so she hung up before I could take a final look at her chin -- she'd been holding her phone horizontally, at an exact 37 degrees from her face, also known as the "boomer angle".

I had initiated this conversation to educate Karen, but she ended up educating me. She's figured out the one cure to covid-22: and it's white privilege.