Satireday US Election Predictions: Put your money on the rich, white man and other tricks

If you are a betting man and you want to win some money during this year's US elections, then put your money on the rich, white man.
Historically, America has always voted for rich, white men and the trend is set to continue. Looking at your candidate pool – the relevant one anyway – you may be shocked to see that both the candidates fit the bill.
That's when you quickly pore over US media outlets to see who has the best chances to win. Doing this, you will have more biased information than ever. You can basically put any candidate on the pedestal depending on your choice of media. Looking for bipartisan options? They no longer exist. But at least you will still have enough information to seem like you are making an informed choice.
During your reading, you may become confused coming across the term "orange man". This basically is false colourism, where people against the idea of white supremacy or politics based on colour still choose to talk about colour. Don't get too wrapped up in this and move on. Colour doesn't matter; potential for toxicity does.
Another quick way to gauge who will win is to look at their talking points, beyond economy. The candidate most in tune with whatever the latest outrage is will be set to win. Sincerity doesn't really matter at this point in time, but talking points do.
If you want to make your bets on who the best candidate is, then you might as well stop playing and just bet on 'other' – the candidates even the media doesn't want you to fully know about.
In politics the world over, our choices have now boiled down to the lesser of two evils. But at least some countries allow you to vote, even if your votes are put through a formula we are yet to understand.
Finally, it is prudent to remember that the red and blue in these elections do not mean Blood and Crip, therefore Lil Wayne and 50 Cent's endorsements do not count. Don't make the same mistake many of us have already made.
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