Police hire student consultants to help them with tactics not covered in training | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, October 10, 2020 / LAST MODIFIED: 02:22 AM, October 10, 2020

Police hire student consultants to help them with tactics not covered in training

Our headlines say so much that we have to train our reporters in grammar and sentence reconstruction to help them fill the blank space. In the same way, police have recently hired politics loving students of Juggernaut University to help them fill up blank skills not covered by official training.

Shahed Harun, majoring in Economics since 2003, has been mentoring the police in shooting forearms. That's right. Shooting goddamn forearms is an important counter terrorism tactic that the taxpayer should be charged with. This technic helps anti-terrorist personnel find the correct vein to follow up on criminal activities. When we say vein, we mean the ones carrying blood and drugs.

Shahed Harun, who has many accolades to his name aside from having two first names, is also MD of RogueAgent Hospital. He uses his extensive medical skill from patching up and stabbing people to help police literally find veins of criminals. Or at least, people who have the potential to become criminals. These criminals are then charged with possession of drugs and finally they confess to other crimes. Harun assures a 110 percent success rate in getting confessions this way keeping unsolved crime rates low.

The police force is very excited at this new collaboration with university students. Josef, a political science major said, "When push comes to shove, we are there to help our friends in uniform." A photo surfaced a few weeks ago showing Josef very much pushing and shoving people who refused to move during a silent peaceful protest. "Without Josef, we could not have dispersed the crowd just sitting there, occupying public space in the name of saving street dogs," said Constable Abdur Rahman. "Josef even showed us how to un-jam our firearms which we never use because actual criminals have much more powerful weapons than us."   From forearms to firearms, Juggernaut University students are helping maintain order whether you want it or not.


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