Lionel Messi to sign for Dhaka FC | The Daily Star
12:05 AM, September 05, 2020 / LAST MODIFIED: 09:47 PM, September 05, 2020

Satire

Lionel Messi to sign for Dhaka FC

Whitened black money to be used to secure the coveted signature

Lionel Messi, a serial diver considered to be the greatest player of all time in one of the most mediocre teams in the world, may be on his way to Dhaka.

A source who saw Messi play against Nigeria that one time told this newspaper that he had seen the desire to play in Bangladesh in the star striker's eye.

In what would be the biggest coup for Bangladesh football after the far better acquisition of Sony Norde, the greatest international export to have booted up for a Bangladeshi club, Messi's arrival has also excited fans, a redundant sentence to spruce up the word count. 

"I remember when he played in our national stadium against Nigeria. What a player. The COW," an overly-enthusiastic Bangladeshi fan said.

The rumoured arrival, however, has raised questions on how Messi's 700-million-euro transfer fee could be afforded by a Bangladeshi football club. 

Dhaka FC Manager Abdul Jafri said, "Yes it is expensive. But we are talking about legalising all the black money we earned from our illegal casinos. Look, everyone is doing it anyway and us spending that 700 million can only help inflate Bangladesh's gross domestic product."

Contacted, Finance Minister Mukhta Shamal said there was no scope to question the legalisation of black money in the country. "If Fifa can allow blood-stained oil money, then why not black money? Yes, we are considering allowing Dhaka FC to go ahead with the move. But they must tell us how they earned all this black money. For research purposes."

Messi, who scored like a lot of goals for the team that cheated Chelsea out of a Champion's League victory, may help revive the football scene in Bangladesh. He will also prove tough competition for Zahid Hasan Emily, the most prolific striker in the league, who won the Golden Boot last year by scoring an astounding seven goals.

A problem may arise after the country's football federation decided to pay players 20 percent of their contracted fee due to the Covid-19 pandemic.

Federation President Yusuf Ali said, "Everyone is using the pandemic as an excuse to not pay their employees. Why should we not? Plus, we will offer Messi the highest salary of Tk 25,000. It is not much but he does not have a university degree which is mandatory for higher-paying jobs in this country."

Lionel Messi could not be contacted for this report as he has gone into hiding ever since being found out to be a fraud during the 8-2 rout Bayern meted out to Barcelona recently.

(This article is a work of satire and is not meant to be taken seriously.)

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