Five reasons why Nishat Tasnim is grateful for masks
Twenty-five-year-old Nishat Tasnim, the 6,079th of her name, has recently returned to work under the pretension that the coronavirus pandemic was a collective hallucination. She is grateful that everyone is now wearing masks, and not just because it keeps the virus away.
"I no longer have to pretend to find my co-worker's sexist jokes funny," she exclaimed, "I had to make a slight "unhhuhu" sound and curl my lips every time he said 'doura, feminist ailo', now I just stare." Even from six feet away, I could tell she was beaming at this development, although her alleged smile was buried under two layers of masks.
While religiously applying an assortment of disinfectant solutions throughout the interview, she said that in the initial days of the pandemic, when reusable, quirky fabric masks had not yet become a thing, she was struggling to keep her inner woke environmentalist in check. "Experts recommend that you use a surgical mask for only six hours at a stretch. I had been going through about three of them each day and it was at least a week before the YouTube tutorials came up on how to make a fabric mask at home," she stated with the regret clearly visible in the unmasked part of her face.
"I think the only trick is to just increase your vitamin intake, especially zinc and vitamin D, to stay alive…" as Nishat was reaching the end of this sentence, this correspondent begged to God that she wouldn't say that phrase, but she did, "...in these trying times."
"Unprecedented, really," she continued. "A major issue I was facing during the old normal was my post-lunch onion breath. I like to eat raw onion with bhaat for the crunch," she said.
Nishat said she was going through a whole bottle of mints every week before March this year. "Now, I'm saving 800 bucks a month since the masks contain my onion breath," she said.
"It really sounds like things are working out for you," remarked this correspondent.
"Oh, yes, definitely. I think we all must ease into the new normal someday. At least now I can yawn whenever I want. Coronavirus has truly given us so much," added Nishat, although this correspondent was confused as to why she couldn't yawn in the past.
When asked if she has any advice for women who might be facing difficulties adjusting to the new normal, Nishat said, "I would like to tell them to never stop wearing lipstick under the mask. I mean, sis, your liquid lipsticks will dry out if you don't use them, and now is the time to harness the therapeutic power of makeup. If wearing lipstick under the mask doesn't prove that we put on makeup only and only for ourselves, what else will?"