MAKEUP AND OTHER DARK ARTS | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, March 07, 2019 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, March 07, 2019

SATIRE

MAKEUP AND OTHER DARK ARTS

Throughout history, women have been wrongly associated with witchcraft, spells, and enchantments and were later hunted down, tried, and executed. Times have changed, or has it? Women everywhere have now resorted to milder yet effective methods of bewitching people, the main being: the usage of makeup in varying degrees. And although makeup is used by all genders, the mysterious realm of makeup is predominantly ruled by women.

It is common knowledge that men are easily deceived and cannot differentiate between made-up and not made-up faces. Women are taking advantage of this. They can (apparently) transform themselves into entire different entities just by using a dash of eyeliner or that sinister shade of lipstick. They are misleading men and, in turn, leaving them with trust issues. The male population doesn't know who to believe anymore due to all this 'false advertisement'.

Appearing more beautiful and desirable to males is the only life goal women have. They clearly have nowhere 'important' to go to, so they spend their days and nights stirring those pots and discussing where to strike next. They seem to lack respect for themselves and also self-esteem. Why else would anyone apply artificial things to 'beautify' themselves? Don't they know men only like women who are all natural? Exercising personal grooming and hygiene is basically going against nature and making everything artificial. It's not like men spend hundreds on haircuts and… oh wait, never mind.

We all know females buy all their makeup with their fathers' money because, you know, they are just not smart or qualified enough to go out there into the real world and earn anything for themselves. This is absolutely absurd considering that they're taking and wasting a man's money just to fool another man. I mean, guys take money from their fathers too but that's different, right? All those high school certificates, college degrees and PhDs are just a front women put up to lure men in like sirens.

Surprisingly, a lot of women have come to their senses and joined the great cause of pestering women to discourage practicing these dark arts. Females cannot simply wear that much makeup and think they can just go about their day. Preposterous. They have to go through trials like their witch ancestors, albeit a lenient version of it. They'll constantly be badgered for explanations as to why and for whom they have beautified themselves by family members, the locals, and aunties, friends, and most significantly, men. Weapons like 'you look pretty without makeup, don't wear it, you'll ruin your skin', 'don't you feel fake? You waste so much money', 'who do you want to impress?' are used to combat this evil.

Girls keep telling us that it's 'no big deal and it is just makeup' in an attempt to fool us and tamper with our brains. But we know better, don't we? We'll keep annoying them with unsolicited comments and advice. We shall constantly rub our noses in other people's businesses and hope that one day we'll make the world a better place. Godspeed.

 

Afsara loves wasting time looking at memes. Send her more at fb.com/afsaraakhan

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