If people acted like Roald Dahl characters in real life | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, November 29, 2018 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, November 29, 2018

If people acted like Roald Dahl characters in real life

During the wonderful time of our lives called childhood, we often came across books, movies and other things that made us extremely happy and still continue to make us happy during adulthood. For me, one of the people whose books I still adore is, in words he himself came up with, the phizz-whizzing and whoopsy splunkerous Roald Dahl. You'd know what these meant if you spoke Gobblefunk, a language you can learn by reading his books. And if you have, can you imagine what it would be like if we tried to act like Roald Dahl characters in real life?

THE ANIMALS IN THE TWITS

Carpet glued to ceiling along with all the furniture? Something like that will only exist in fiction because no matter what TV advertisements will try to convince you of, no amount of glue of any brand can hold that kind of weight. I can also tell you from personal experience that trying to glue things to the ceiling will only result in the object falling on your face as I, like many children during their childhood, witnessed the antiques of that one kid who was brave enough, or rather dumb enough, to put the fearsome white liquid glue on their thumbs and stick them together during Arts and Crafts class. But another important thing for people like us living in hot tropical climates is that we have fans attached to our ceilings. Good luck trying to pull that out of its fixture.

MATILDA IN MATILDA

It is absolutely unrealistic to think that you will get a teacher like Miss Honey. It just won't happen. Another thing that won't happen is that people won't get powers like Matilda. But that won't really stop people from trying to do what Matilda did. What's the closest thing one can do to replicate Matilda's actions, especially in the classroom? Bringing a tiny and surprisingly effective toy laser to school [definitely not recommended] and writing on the white board in red from your seat, "You will not give us homework today." Of course some can go the extra mile and use the teacher's first name without any title before it, surely increasing the punishment they will receive when caught.

JAMES FROM JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH

The part about the cruel aunts I find totally believable. Everything else? Not so much. And I'm not even talking about the talking bugs and the giant flying magical peach fruit. Forget James and his bug friends rolling over and falling into the sea. I'm talking about James accepting something from a stranger. In a world where crime is so publicised and we're so exposed to news showing terrible events all across the world, would you be able to behave like James and stop and accept something from a stranger even if you wanted to? As a pessimistic and paranoid person who sees the world through thick non-tinted glasses, I think not!

GEORGE IN GEORGE'S MARVELLOUS MEDICINE

No, just, please no. That would be a serious health hazard and you could go to jail.

 

Matilda likes to pretend she is invisible and inconspicuous. Tell her you can read right through her at matilda.tilda1234gmail.com

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