A Clandestine Fear
Do you ever get afraid of yourself?
Terrified that your wicked will take over your conscious,
Your lucidity, your whole self?
Every now and then, I tremble in fear that,
My heinous will take over me, and people will see.
I tremble in fear that,
It is my true self.
An odious, horrifying brute
Crawling all over the world,
Scattering and seeding
Its noxious seedlings into the core of my earth.
I tremble in the fear that
If I look into your eyes,
I will see that hateful stance for myself.
Those days are the days I loathe myself the most,
A weakling, bowing down to a fictitious creature.
Maybe other people do too.
I tremble in fear and crawl into my bed,
Waiting to get sucked into the big black hole.
I keep trembling in fear and praying to the great soul,
To put a stop to this blizzard of melancholy in my heart.
It's funny how the ogre turned my unbelieving soul
Into a questioning one.
Yet, I kept trembling, wanting to get rid
Of this invincible fear.
I can feel it,
Spreading like diffusion through my blood,
Reaching every tip of the neurons of my body.
Even the air around me is now poisonous,
Disposing every last ounce of me left in myself.
The desperate need to put a stop to this imagined desolation.
Gets intense with every passing second of that clock.
Maybe if I try to fly like Icarus,
A splash of reality might hit me
And stop this evil chaos.
Maybe it will, and
At last, I can inhale the air of spring.
The writer is a student of English at Shahjalal University of Science and Technology.