Weather forecast department to predict weather based on Wi-Fi turbulence

If the rainy season in Dhaka reminds its citizens of anything, it's the drainage facility crisis in the city and the turbulent Wi-Fi connection that drops with the slightest hint of clouds in the sky. And if there's one thing that is more vulnerable to rain than our craving for khichuri, it's the Wi-Fi connection. This led to the weather forecast department deciding to sell all of their expensive equipment and solely rely on the Wi-Fi router in their office to indicate chances of rain.

"Now that rain prediction is one Google search away, we've been pretty useless," said Tsunami Anam, the chief astrologer of the weather forecast department. "We've been made fun of in the past for our inaccurate predictions. Our predictions were so bad, they made horoscopes look believable. Nowadays, we spend most of our office hours by wasting them on the internet and earning our bread without actually having to work for it. Clearly, we're living the Bangladeshi dream. The Wi-Fi router is the single most useful device in our office."

"But we noticed that every time there's a hint of rainfall in the sky, the Wi-Fi signal automatically drops," continued Mr Tsunami. "The router goes off before the first drop of rain even hits the ground. The technology Wi-Fi routers use to predict the rainfall and switch off is far more superior than any satellite data we can procure. So, we sold all our equipment and gave ourselves a well-deserved raise. Our office is now just a router sitting in the middle and us scrolling the internet. Every time the Wi-Fi stops working, we report the chances of rainfall and precipitations, switch back to mobile data, and go back to scrolling."

Meanwhile, the internet service providers have found another reason to spike up their prices while not fixing the internet connections. "The young generation's obsession with the internet is unprecedented. If there's one thing that has ruined the attention span and academic dedication of today's children, it's the internet. So, bite me for cutting off your internet access for one hour and letting you focus on your life outside mobile screens! Imagine a world where the Wi-Fi connection is seamless and ISP provides you the internet speed and bandwidth they promote on their leaflets. Do you think any of you would be able to get your work done? Enlighten me. Is my faulty internet connection coming in the way of you doom scrolling across Instagram reels and procrastinating the entire day?  Whatever productivity you have in your lives, it's when the Wi-Fi connection drops and you have no other option but to concentrate on your work. I refuse to apologise for helping this nation build itself by keeping its youth off the internet."

In other news, the UN has praised the attempts of Bangladesh to go for the digital dream with the weakest internet connection in the game. "The way their telecom companies are inventing 4.5G, 4.6G and other fractional generations of broadband cellular network technology, the riches of the internet are bound to reach every corner of the country 1kbps at a time.

Except for when it rains of course. The country can take a break from being digital then."

Remind Ifti to be quieter at hasiburrashidifti@gmail.com