Keyboard warriors stop making sense as everyone is forced to use keyboard endorsed by authority

Controversy stormed through the Internet earlier this week after authorities made it compulsory for all smartphones to include the authority-endorsed "Sujoy Keyboard" in their phones. The decision is reportedly going to put a lot of keyboard warriors' careers in jeopardy since their entire species relies heavily on the graphical Bangla keyboard software "Suvro".

"The decision is going to put a lot of keyboard warriors out of business," said Dr Sushi L. Somaj, a prominent socio-political analyst, "Bangladeshis love shoving their opinions in others' faces and cursing strangers across the internet. Small victories like proving someone wrong on Facebook make their lives worth living."

"Bangladeshis have made social media their very own 'Fight Club', where they can relax by metaphorically punching each other across the internet by using words. But since English isn't the first language in Bangladesh, it doesn't really do the trick. English sound a bit too respectful for Bangladeshis and chances are if you curse at someone in English, they won't even understand that they're getting humiliated. That's where Suvro Keyboard came in. After Suvro Keyboard made it easier for Bangladeshis to communicate in their mother tongue, guess what's the first thing Bangladeshis used it for? That's right! Giving out unwanted opinions and spreading online hatred in the comment section in Bangla." 

Chief developer of Sujoy Keyboard, Engr. Steve Gabbar, spoke in a press conference earlier yesterday.

"We wanted to put an end to aggressive behaviour on the internet," said Engr. Steve, "Look what happened after Suvro Keyboard made communication in the mother tongue easier for everyone. Everyone with a keyboard has something to say about how to do things. We want to put an end to keyboard warriors once and for all. Communication across the internet should be so complicated that people start thinking twice before giving out their opinions. The learning curve of Sujoy Keyboard is so steep that users will hopefully give up on keyboard wars and in the process, learn how to keep their Bangla paragraphs to themselves."

Shadman Sakib, a part-time student and a full-time keyboard warrior, said, "GB myRq wK‡CevW© wb‡q Avwg †ek ivAMvwhš^Z| gvZ…fvlvq Mvwj †`Iqv Avgvi Rb¥MZ AwaFKvi| evsjv‡Z hw` KvQD‡K aMvwjB w`‡nZ bv cvijvg, ZvdB‡j Avwg wKufv‡e Avgvi †cŠi"l Rvwni Ki‡ev?"

Unfortunately, our reporter didn't have a Unicode to ANSI converter on him and couldn't understand what Shadman was saying. But it was evident that Shadman was infuriated like most Bangladeshis are.

"In a country that suffers from financial crisis, inflation, poor educational, and technological infrastructure among hundreds of other national and social maladies, I earnestly believe that Sujoy Keyboard is what the people of our country need right now," said Dr Steve, "I always carry the nationalism card with me and I use it whenever I want something to go in my way. If people don't want to use an authority-approved keyboard because of complications in its user interface, guess what it makes them?"

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