‘Will you be my Valentine?’ and other expensive offers

In matters of the heart, some problems are uniquely Bangladeshi.

Imagine a group of boys holding a protest with a banner that reads "Keo pabe, keo pabe na, ta hobe na, ta hobe na" (Everyone should be able to have it, or no one should). What do you think they are talking about? The name of the group is self-explanatory—Prem Bonchito Shangho or Society of the Love-Deprived—so guess what they went all socialist on in this particular instance. The incident happened this day last year. I remember the video clip that surfaced then, with these young men, all students at the chemistry department of Dhaka University, seeking what they called a "fair distribution of love." The apparent lack of chemistry in their life led them to demand parity from the fairer sex on that Valentine's Day.

I will not be surprised if similar things happen this year, too. I know a guy who, not long ago, was a member of a Ruet-based fraternity called Chirokumar Shangho, or Society of the Lifelong Single, which celebrates the rejection of any romantic entanglement. Today, he is happily married, or as his then-peers would call him, a deserter. At Jahangirnagar University, a colleague tells me, there is a group called One-Sided Lovers' Association (OSLA).

These clubs—where love, longing, and loathing converge in a unique symphony of emotions—are not meant to be taken seriously. Members bemoan the concept of relationships, or indulge in pseudo-intellectual red herrings about the enigma of a woman's heart, or take fake vows of celibacy. Regardless of whether they are secretly pining for a girlfriend or trying to get over an ex, what's on offer here is a chance to vent collectively. In most cases, the public display is not meant to hurt but to amuse, whether you see the point of it or not. As "love-hating" exercises go, it is far better than the Indian case where far-right Hindu groups in recent years raided shops, burned cards and gifts, and chased hand-holding couples out of restaurants and parks, claiming that Valentine's Day is promoting promiscuity.

If you find yourself troubled by the cosmic significance ascribed to an earthly event like Valentine's Day—or if you have no one to tell "Will you be my Valentine?"—Henry Miller has a suggestion for you. He said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature. The Bangla equivalent of this wisdom would be, "Chheka na khele kobita hoi na" (Rejection is the bedrock of poetry). This seems to work for a vast number of people dealing with doomed or unrequited love. Who, after all, didn't try maan-obhimaan-type poems in their early life?

Whether it is Happy Valentine or Sad Valentine for you, this occasion has had decades of reinforcement to get to where it is today, and by the looks of it, it is not going anywhere anytime soon. But those having Valentine blues, as is customary for many on this day, may derive some satisfaction from the fact that celebrating it today has become more expensive than ever before. This goes for all forms of romantic associations and accessories, from store-bought bouquets to restaurant dates to leisurely, hair-in-the-air commutes to the gifts you buy or the clothes you wear. And yes, weddings too.

I tried it once, too. I am not the guy you usually turn to for a sermon on modern-day love or relationships, but rather for a cynical spin on it. So out came a deceptively uplifting op-ed piece titled "Love and a survivor's guilt." It was never published. There was also a sparsely-written haiku that no one bothered reading:

Rickshaw date

Hood pulled over

She shifts awkwardly.

The point is, whether it is Happy Valentine or Sad Valentine for you, this occasion has had decades of reinforcement to get to where it is today, and by the looks of it, it is not going anywhere anytime soon. But those having Valentine blues, as is customary for many on this day, may derive some satisfaction from the fact that celebrating it today has become more expensive than ever before. This goes for all forms of romantic associations and accessories, from store-bought bouquets to restaurant dates to leisurely, hair-in-the-air commutes to the gifts you buy or the clothes you wear. And yes, weddings too, if we are looking at the end result. Nothing comes cheap or, increasingly lately, untaxed.

Let us focus on that last item on offer: weddings. As if to welcome the triple coincidence this year of Valentine's Day, Pahela Phalgun and Saraswati Puja—all celebrating love, companionship and new beginnings—or perhaps to keep the more amorous of men under control, the Dhaka South City Corporation (DSCC) has recently introduced marriage registration taxes. So, individuals are required to pay Tk 100 for the first marriage. In case of a second marriage with the first wife alive, the fee is set at Tk 5,000. A third marriage, with two wives alive, requires a fee of Tk 20,000, while a fourth marriage with three wives alive will cost Tk 50,000 in taxes!

But let us not indulge in extremes. The Tk 100 tax for the average guy may not seem much, but it symbolises the ever-growing list of expenses for couples, weddings or not. Adding to that list is a proposal, made just before the Valentine's Day, by the Institute of Cost and Management Accountants of Bangladesh (ICMAB) to impose a Tk 50 tax per guest for social events (including weddings and parties) that host more than 100 guests and are organised outside one's houses. If approved by the government, this will be in effect from the upcoming fiscal year. This is in addition to all the extra costs that go into renting venues, food, decorations, and so on.

This is what romantic occasions have come to be in this age of cost escalations. It is as if the universe is signalling for us to change the proposal mantra to, "Will you marry me, or be my Valentine, and not cause a shit-ton of money to go down the drain?"

But love and romantic entanglements still thrive on. Valentine blues still find new ways of expressions. I have nothing against either. Emotion may drive motion. But in the end, love, platonic or not, is a personal matter, and it should remain so regardless of how it comes out on February 14 and in the days that follow.

Badiuzzaman Bay is assistant editor at The Daily Star.

Views expressed in this article are the author's own.

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