Lazy man's guide to becoming fit like Hugh Wolverine

We have seen him flex his muscles and unsheathe his claws. Women and men love him with equal intensity. Hugh Jackman has played many roles, but he is universally, indubitably known as The Wolverine. Like Barbie's Ken, he sets a nearly unattainable standard for men wanting to be manly. But then you realise unlike Ken, Hugh Wolverine is actually a man. Once you ignore his adamantium skeleton, that is. 

Identify the problem 

Are you a Manly Man at heart, but love riding your rickshaw/Toyota Allion? Do you flick through grainy, Instagram-filtered, mental images of a time you had jeans with waist sizes 10 inches less than now? What do think as you stare at Hugh Jackman's abs on the poster your wife put up? His abs could break a finger if he accidentally flexes while a woman pokes him. And that is what we men want, but not the finger breaking part. 

A solution appears

I needed to exercise, right away. I headed out for a walk and a run. I manually bent at the waist to pick up an imaginary dumbbell. I instantly felt strong because that dumbbell seemed so light. But the mirror told me a different story. The belly still flopped over the waistline. Yeah, imagination doesn't work very well other than lifting dumbbells that do not exist. 

The real solution

The secret to getting results is to challenge your body. For most people, that means actually becoming active. Yep, we love our rickshaws because manual labour is cheap. Why walk when we can sit in traffic?

Let's start

Fitness begins with movement. The easiest, simplest, most natural way to do so is to put one foot in front of another. I know, it sounds difficult, but snot-nosed babies can do it and so can I. 

I used to run a lot as a kid. As a grown adult of sorts, around 2010, I thought I would pick it up again. I was quite successful. I went out for a run during the winter and realised I was running out of breath faster than character lifespans in Game of Thrones. So I decided to take it slow. Next time I ran again was 2017, last month. 

Here's how you really, really begin

My wife's birthday was coming up and I thought, “What better way to celebrate than become the skinny guy she used to date all those years ago?” With two months to go, I couldn't waist more time. Get it? Waist. 

I was determined. It was quite simple. Just step out, start walking. And then speed up. Wow, it is really as simple as that. 

Fun fact 

The human body uses up energy when it is being challenged. The body reacts to surprise. For example, when somebody stabs you first, you are surprised. The fourth or fifth time, your body becomes used to it and stops reacting. 

You need to surprise your body the way your bank balance does near the end of the month. It should make your heart race and your blood flow. Run where you used to walk. Or walk more briskly at least. 

Beware the of mistakes

The trick is to take it slow and then speed up the walking. Then repeat. I took a day off and did it again before my body realised I was tricking it into becoming healthy. You should do this relentlessly, otherwise Hugh Wolverine will disapprove. That was a month and two waist inches ago. 

The alternate solution

It may be much easier to simply buy the wife a new iPhone/diamond ring/Hugh Jackman action figure/blender/HDMI cable for her birthday. 

Ehsanur Raza Ronny is a confused dad, all-round car guy, model car builder, and cartoonist. He is also Editor of Shift (automobiles), Bytes (technology), and Next Step (career) of The Daily Star.