Deciphering Facebook Photo Captions
Gone are the days when photos came with definitive captions like "My friend Montu and I in Noakhali". As someone who rarely posts anything but memes, I found myself researching before changing my profile picture. As I delved into the world of photo captions, I laughed, cried, and questioned the meaning of life.
Photo: A makeup free selfie
Caption: Woke up like this/Barefaced today/Aunaturale
As overused as your toilet, all these do an excellent job of subtly hinting at your stripped down beauty. Yes I get it, you're pretty but it's absolutely unnecessary to announce it every time you post such a picture. It must feel pretty good to be an anomaly among the abundance of heavily made up faces but trust me, it's noticeable without the caption too.
Photo: A particularly spicy picture
Caption: Band-aid on my heart/You replaced me but no one will replace you
There's no need to publish self-diagnosed progress reports of the delicate condition of your heart every now and then. I don't see how a touching tribute to the former beau fits on a picture that obviously screams for the attention of future potential lovers.
Photo: Munching on a chemistry book
Caption: It's a metaphor, see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing
The release of a certain starry book/movie had once triggered depressing quotes paired with non-depressing photos. Brownie points for a refreshingly funny take on a clichéd quote.
Photo: Any selfie
Caption: Um so uglyi cri :(
Why on earth would you post a picture if you are so insecure about looking ugly there? This by far is the loudest cry for attention I have seen as a caption.
Photo: A fake candid with the head strategically turned to the right
Caption: I'm looking right cause you left
Some puns are good, some are bad. This is just terrible.
Facebook photo captions are a strange realm. I think I should forego stepping into the territory at the moment.
Mashiyat Nayeem has a genuine phobia of onions and has mastered the art of scavenging for beresta in her biriyani. Learn more at mashiyat.nayeem@gmail.com