What Women Really Want

Has anyone ever told you that women want men who understand them and treat them like equals? That women want men who respect their individuality and support their aspirations outside of being a wife and a mother? That they want men who are in touch with their sensitive side, who are not afraid to cry?

What a bunch of horse excreta. I'm here to tell you what women really want, and I'll only say this once, so listen up.

Women hate it when you respect their wishes, they want Persistence

If you didn't fight through five other men for her, what have you even done to deserve the indisputable gem that she is? You say she didn't ask you to fight for her, I say you didn't read between the lines enough. "No, thank you. I'm really not interested" can only mean "Convince me". Everyone knows women never say what they really mean. Case in point – this article was written by a woman! So fight for your lady! Prove your worth! Keep calling her every morning, evening and night. Email her if she doesn't respond. Call after you send her that email. Send her doting texts all day long. If she responds, it's a sign. If she blocks your number, it's a sign. If she reports you to the police, IT BE A SIGN. She's starting to notice you. Her elusion is only her playing hard to get, to see how much you really love her. Switch numbers and carry on. Go to her house and write "Be mine?" on the street with candles so she can see from her balcony. Remember, no gesture is too large. Nothing is too creepy.

Be overly Possessive, women despise having friends who are not YOU

Once you've followed my advice and gotten your girl, don't lose that fighting spirit. You now have to show her how much you value her by guarding her 24/7. Always tell her what to wear when she leaves the house. You're the only person in her life who knows what's best for her. If you won't give her such advice, how will she ever know what is appropriate?

She also definitely expects you to jealously protect her from every other male creature in her life. That cousin she grew up with? Of course he's in love with her. It is irrelevant that she has known him for ten times as long as she has known you. She actually wants you to make her delete him from social media. She'd do it herself but if you don't tell her, are you even in love? Her male dog is looking at her a bit too lovingly? That's one bridge too far. Chocolate is delicious. That's all I'm saying.

Women want Protection, because safety, like everything else, is a male dominated industry

A woman's fragility, her innocence and her modesty are what truly mark her value as a living being. To protect that special pure flower in your life you must be a real, strong man. A lot of people think women want intelligence and kindness over strength these days. Flex your six pack abs at these people while your girl clings to your ripped bicep. She's a woman after all. How could she even judge a man's intelligence? Such concepts are far too vast for her beautiful head to perceive. If there's a burglary at home, do you think an astrophysicist will save the day? Trust me. Burglar-vanquishers. That's what women are looking for. 

It's what makes the world go around and also what drives women wild. It's Money.

You're a man and your value to any woman is always, without exception, tied to the kind of lifestyle you can provide for her. All every woman really wants is the ability to go to malls and shop to her heart's content. Give any woman that and it is impossible that they will not want to be with you.

Once you have her, you need to make sure she constantly has the best of everything. A priceless diamond has decided to grace you with her time and presence. The least you could do is fulfil her every desire. Materialistic and maternal, of course. Those are the only words you need to describe a perfect woman.

Make sure you always keep up with what Mrs Next-door is buying too. What women truly care about is making all other women envious of their lifestyle.

I've said all the bad things so might as well add laziness to the list. Women want Pampering.

You expect a woman to work around the house? Don't be ridiculous. She's Daddy's Little Princess! Of course she doesn't know how to cook, or clean. Why would you even expect that? However, don't misunderstand this. Under no circumstance should you offer to do any kind of chores yourself. That is even worse than suggesting that you divide the work between yourselves. Women would only see such a proposal as a sign of weakness. What she really wants is for you to hire people to be at her beck and call all day, whether she wants her feet massaged or the TV remote handed to her.

Just tell her that the cook has dinner sorted and all she needs to do is doll herself up for you when you get back from work. You both know the only reason she buys all that make-up is to make your fantasy of being with a different woman every night come true. It's why artists paint. They want to look at new things every day.

This time proven yet rare advice can be easily remembered using this mnemonic device. Persistence, Possessiveness, Protection and Pampering make up 4 P's, add Money to the mix and you get a daily reminder of when to call her and distract her from work. 4 PM! If after all this you think this isn't what women actually want, how come you don't actually have one? How about becoming a real man before wondering why all your niceness is not getting you anywhere with the real ladies?

Ariul Womun doesn't read her own emails. She has her assistant nox.thewriter@gmail.com perform such menial tasks. If you're interesting enough though, perhaps your words will reach Her Majesty.