The emotional turmoil of handling a sibling’s departure

Sibling relationships are unlike any other. You bicker, you fight, you compete over the tiniest things, and yet, after it's all done and dusted, they're the ones that you know will always have your back. This sort of unique relationship is what makes it so difficult, and frankly strange, to deal with them leaving the bird's nest and moving away.

Coping with a loved one's departure is nothing short of a form of grief. It is knowing that you're saying goodbye to the person you know today, and when they return, they might have already outgrown that version of themselves. Although this is a natural part of life, much of the grief stems from not being able to witness their growth as you always have in the past. And if they're an elder sibling, they probably even raised you, so being robbed of watching you grow is even more excruciating for them.

The tragic part is many of us don't have the emotionally free relationships with our siblings that would allow us to express these feelings. This is especially true for brothers, where toxic masculinity makes it so that displays of love or vulnerability are discouraged from a very early age, depriving us of the many facets that meaningful sibling relationships bring to our lives.

All of this makes the time leading up to the sibling's departure especially discomforting. Your heart wells with preemptive despair, knowing that you won't have their face to return home to everyday, you won't be able to plan out your parents' birthdays and anniversaries together, and of course, who are you going to fight over the TV remote with anymore? Not only that, the stress of agonising over whether or not you've made the most of your time with them creeps in inevitably, and you begin to wonder if you'll ever have that chance again. And yet, you can't complain because you know it's probably for the best.

This cacophony of emotions is further surmounted by the more practical realisation that much of your sibling's responsibilities will now begin to fall on you. Whether it be paying the internet bills, doing the groceries or finishing daily household chores, the time will come when you'll need to rise to the occasion and handle these things all by yourself, without having your sibling help you or guide you through it. And if you've never had to do this before, it can be incredibly daunting.

Needless to say, it's never easy watching a loved one move away, whether it be to another area, another city or another country. And it's even harder when it's someone you've spent the majority, if not all of your life with. But the universe has a way of making us realise the value of things only when we're about to lose them. And maybe, despite the hurt, we can see this separation with our siblings as an opportunity for our hearts to grow fonder and more grateful, and use it as motivation to cherish the ones that we do have around us even more.

Rafid is evaporating in the heat. Send him your goodbyes at rafidkhandaker@gmail.com