Published on 11:00 PM, August 10, 2022

Satire

Martin Scorsese lauds local entrepreneur and filmmaker as “pioneer of cinema”

Design: AZMIN AZRAN

Legendary filmmaker and the creator behind countless "OMG LITERALLY ME!" characters, Martin Scorsese, came under a lot of heat when he expressed disdain for Marvel movies, claiming that they aren't "cinema."

The auteur is back again to assert how such movies lack soul, but this time, he has a blueprint for the billionaire producers back at Marvel Studios.

"I just don't know how he attained such a feat. I have been making movies for decades now but even I couldn't get my last movie to be an exclusive theatre release," says Scorsese.

His eyes gleamed as he took a second to truly encapsulate his fervency.

"I think what Mr Antaheen Khalil is doing here is truly enthralling. Those insatiable, money-hungry, CGI-obsessed sycophants could borrow a page from his book," Scorsese says. "You could throw in hundreds of millions of dollars into making grown men fly around in heaps of metal but if you aren't ripping your heart out, and I mean literally, fully displaying your organ with your lover's face at the heart of the heart, you just aren't doing a good enough job."

Scorsese then continued to gush, perhaps even fanboy a little, about Khalil's ability to portray the devastating reality of being God's lonely man.

"Robert De Niro and I can only improvise but Mr Khalil can channel any emotion and convince the audience he truly feels it. He can go through the five stages of grief, add five more emotions in a matter of seconds and have you at the edge of your seat at all times. Maybe you'll burst out laughing at his effortless one-liners or sobbing for the betrayal he endures. It truly is only bawling or balling with this man," continues the director. "Iron Man's only emotions are literally sarcasm and dying. Those aren't even emotions."

The Academy Award winner did not have a shortage of praises, reserving more, specifically about the musical numbers and dance routines. He claims that such cinematic art forms are rarely implemented in films nowadays. The emotional risk-taking portrayed by the filmmakers delivers exactly what blockbuster films lack: paradoxical, complex and nuanced portrayals of love.

"What truly separates Antaheen Khalil's action-packed, adrenaline rush, high stakes cinematic universe from Marvel's dull, soulless, predictable movies is what is at the core of each flick. I mean, for God's sake, even the actors take steroids and look bloated," Scorsese remarks. 

With the renowned director swaying between bouts of apprehension and admiration, he confessed that everything he knew about filmmaking seems to rewrite itself when he watches Khalil's films. Scorsese wishes to come back stronger and one day, have the man himself, star in a movie but is terrified that he will fail to unveil the dynamism of Mr Jalil.

"Marvel releases an abhorrent number of movies each year. You can end the world only so many times and expect people to care. Antaheen Khalil does it a few times every few years and with resounding box office success, and it doesn't even take three Spider-Men to do that," he said.

With phase 5 already under production for Marvel, Scorsese is already distressed. For the time being, he will resort to finishing the versatile universe of "Khalil – The Actor" and fall in love with cinema, all over again. The rest of us, however, will have to endure cinephiles singing parades and making video essays about Antaheen Khalil.

Abir Hossain is a failed SoundCloud Rapper. Tell him you too can't find anything to rhyme oranges with at: abir.hossain2002@gmail.com