This Eid, avoid the Cowvid
The Cows for Cowvid-19 (CoCo) Group is a special task force formed by a group of independent cow bodies that seeks to prevent the spread of Cowvid-19 among cows. The disease is already widespread among humans, and the group fears that with the arrival of Eid, this disease will spread to cows too through the interaction between the two species.
Therefore, in order to prevent the spread of Cowvid-19 among cows, CoCo has issued a set of rules that must be followed by those who're interested in purchasing a cow, or have already purchased one and are taking care of them at home.
Bring your real and original medical certificate
Only those with proper documents certifying that they've tested negative for the virus will be allowed to enter the farm or cattle market. For a list of hospitals that provide such certifications, please feel free to visit the CoCo website. Holograms are mandatory.
No mask, no cows
You'll not be allowed to come within three feet of a cow if you're not wearing a mask. The mask should be Moo-95 graded, and it should be worn in such a way that it fully covers your mouth, nose, and ears, and partially covers your eyes. Cows will be wearing masks as well, so skip the teeth-checking this year. If you're purchasing a cow for Eid, you might as well get them face masks or shields instead of garlands.
Hands off those cheeks
We understand the importance of grabbing hold of a cow's thighs and its behind in order to judge its meat mass. But, given the circumstances, we have to ask you to avoid doing that. Their hips don't lie, and you can tell that just by looking at them. The need to assess the cow's body physically is unnecessary this time around.
Sanitize your hands before petting
As much as cows enjoy you petting them, we're going to have to ask you to not do that as well. However, we understand the human need to see and feel the cow for yourself, and hence, we'll be allowing minimum petting with the precondition of sanitizing your hands before and after the petting session. Or bring your specialised cow gloves.
Contactless food delivery
Once the cows have reached your place, they're now yours to take care of. The first and most important safety precaution you need to maintain here is contactless food delivery. Once you get the food for your cows, you simply keep it at a safe and reachable distance from them. Don't bother feeding them with your hands; they never liked it anyway.
Faisal wants to be the very best, like no one ever was. To stay home is his real test, to survive the pandemic is the cause. Write to him at abir.afc@gmail.com