Living with Loss

I still pick up the phone and dial your number, the one number I have dialed everyday for the last 2 months. It rings until the voicemail opens; the entire process takes on an agonizing slowness.  Today, I disconnect the ghost call after your voice fades into the beep. On the bad days- when I miss you too much to care about realities: I leave a message. I cannot draw proper lines between habit and reality; death has brought on a permanent sense of blur. It's not hard to embrace the emptiness you left behind. The difficulty begins at trying to carry on, for the rest of my life, without dialing your number and waiting for your voice on the other end. How can someone who showed me how to make my world be gone from it?

At one point or the other, we make peace with the inevitability of death: we learn to accept our mortality. But whenever we think of losing those we love, the path to acceptance is riddled with fear. The fear that becomes an all-consuming grief when that thought of loss becomes a reality. The loss of a loved one and the grief that follows it comes with a permanence of its own. There is no way around it; we re-learn how to function in a changed world and a changed self. 

Losing someone you love is an extremely painful and difficult phase of life. Whoever it maybe, the death of a loved one means the loss of a constant pillar and years of companionship. Although this process cannot be made any less difficult, it is helpful to remember a few ways that can help one cope:

* Take each day at a time and let your day be taken up with work and plans. 
* Try not to isolate yourself; spend time with friends/family. 
* Being involved in artistic activities can be helpful in sorting through your emotional burden.
* Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. Sadness, disbelief, loneliness and anger are common emotions when dealing with grief.
* It may be helpful to seek support from those who have gone through similar experiences.
When it comes to dealing with friends or family members who have faced a tragedy it is necessary to understand that there are a few things one needs to remember: 
* Be accommodating and supportive. Empathy is far more comforting than sympathy.
* Being a good listener is crucial; don't be critical of how people react to their loss.
* Keep in mind that no one will respond to the death of a loved one in the same way. Avoid telling those who are grieving how they should feel or what they should do. 

The thing about grief is that the old adage is true: Time heals all wounds. There is always a set of unspoken rules on how one should feel and behave in the face of mourning. One may find it easier to remember that how we deal with our tragedies does not need to be bound by societal definitions.