Stop, you don't need that scarf
But it's a new hand embroidered designer cashmere one, that too in shamrock green? Oh dear, you need help. Read on.
On·i·o·man·i·a
(noun) an obsessive or uncontrollable urge to buy things.
I get it. You were sad, so you went shopping, but now you're broke and sad. You'll probably want to shop again, because that's how you muddle through heartbreak, and by now I hope you see the issue here. In the wise words of your mother, "Taka gaach e dhore na". Thus, your shopping addiction is one that requires effective immediate therapy.
MINIMAL MALL TIME PROTOCOL
Limit your time spent in the shopping mall. Cut down your mall visits only to pre-Eid shopping, times of dire need of new underwear or your mama is home from abroad and is ready to shower you with love (new shoes). No more, "Hey, I'm bored. Let's hang out in the mall." The mall is not your hangout place. You'll be walking into the mall with the intentions of "just looking" and stumbling out with two hefty bags, on each hand. And two more on your boyfriend's. Let's face it, there is no "window shopping" in your dictionary. If anything, all it does is open the window to your heart and your wallet to buy things you don't need or ever craved before. The mall is a sly seductress. Stay away.
RESIST RESIST RESIST
The thing about commercials is, they can make clinically underweight people invest into a lifelong supply of slimming tea. In other words, they have abilities of hypnotism, black magic and world invasion. But you, my recovering shopaholic, must stay strong. Don't believe the pretty ladies who sing songs about jasmine-scented body washes. Their stories are as fake as their overly sweet smiles. Do not ever turn on the television after 2 AM, that's every recovering shopaholic's darkest hour. Every channel will be showing these product advertisements, but like 3 hours long. Like Ted Mosby's mother once said, "Nothing good ever happens after 2 AM."
BEWARE OF SOCIAL MEDIA
Save yourself before you get sucked into the dark underworld of online shopping as well. Cut all your ties to the media sites of any commercial places. Unlike and unfollow any pages that inform about sales and new stocks of very attractive hair extensions. You are a weakling who must be sheltered from any sort of shopping related showcasing.
SHOP WITH A FRIEND
When you do find yourself in that very limitedly allotted slot to go shopping, do not, under any circumstances, go solo. Make a friend tag along to ensure you don't relapse into your old shopaholic tendencies. Choose your shopping buddy wisely. Take with you a true friend, one who'll say that beige Gucci bag isn't that good anyways, or karate chop your hands off those gold stilettos - a friend who'll be ready to take you down in public if you spare a second glance at the pretty pink raincoat you'll never really use. Don't accompany one of those pansies or worst, another severe shopaholic. To be safe, take your calculating, budget-making, strict Bengali mother with you.
You are in war against mannequins in pretty dresses and shoes on sale, with zero self-control and an empty wallet. I hope you come out with both kidneys still intact.
Samin Sabah Islam believes, there are very few problems in life, if any, that a good nap can't fix. If she isn't asleep, your queries may be answered at sabahsamin11@gmail.com