No “Happily Ever After” for Us?
People went crazy over The Huffington Post's article titled "We are the generation who doesn't want relationships" because we related to every bit of it. We have watched Ross Geller date 10 women before feeling like he finally settled down with Emily Waltham only to realise relationship struggles are not limited to having different accents.
Though I prefer staying home and watching Netflix on weekends while pretending to understand the concept of dating, I will decode the fear that holds us from committing long term.
For most people, relationships are fairly easy. To them, it's as natural as breathing. Some, however, would rather migrate to the Sahara desert when pressed for commitment.
We heard about old school dating from our parents. Picture the younger versions of our dads, with shirts properly tucked in, gathering the courage to ask for the hand of our mothers in marriage. While this idea may freak out many today, it doesn't necessarily mean what they have today is anything less real.
As we share tiny details of our lives with our special ones, we are constantly engulfed by the fear of having our relationship end without notice, scared of not being in the right relationship. This may be caused by trust issues, childhood trauma, or abuse. But here's the thing about being afraid to be wrong – how else will you ever be right? We'll never stop learning, thus we can only grow by letting both parties be vulnerable and picking our battles. Of course being careful comes a long way, you don't necessarily have to jump on the bandwagon every time. A life-long pursuit of someone better, the hopeless lure of the impossible, these are what relationships may be to some. Through exposure to popular media, we start to make checklists for our partners and wonder if we could go for an upgrade. We keep on forgetting that checklists are for grocery shopping, not people.
Our ambitious selves do not want to miss out on life. We dream of going on trips and to our favourite bands' concerts, none of which could be done without saving up time and money. As self-actualisation hits us, we find and value solitude, leaving too much at stake to invest ourselves in someone else.
We secretly search for a "forever". Yes, you may not know about the future, but the present is all you have. If you're willing to take a leap of faith, learn how to do it and see examples of others who have what you want.
Or probably you're like me, hitting the road with Beyonce's "Single Ladies" in my earphones. Maybe you sing Taylor Swift's "22" and dress up like a hipster while secretly looking out for a Platform 9¾ on your way to your class just to avoid all sorts of social interactions. Here's some advice: dating and commitment are choices. Do not let them burn you out.