How to successfully avoid weddings
There comes a time when you just can't take weddings anymore. Yes, no degree of pestering and no amount of promised kacchi can keep you from not attending these events. Choosing "Ignore" in Facebook becomes the fastest you've ever responded to an event invite in your life and probably ever will. Here are some fool proof methods that will help you not attend when necessary.
The first phase always starts with the invite itself. You can't possibly know when or where to attend a wedding if you never get the invite in the first place. You can always "forget to check the mail" or take a social media break that falls ever so conveniently at that very time. However, if one fine day you do find yourself confronting the invite, remember that you may have lost this battle but you can still win the war. This is when you resort to the next stage of the plan.
If you have been meaning to take some time off for a getaway to a land far away [which probably is Bali], no better time will present itself than now. This is your perfect "killing two birds with one stone" moment and if the financials and availability of schedule favour a trip, just go for it. However, due to realistic limitations this usually works for one out of eight people, so it is ardent to take into account easier dodging techniques.
Taking some techniques straight out of simpler DIYs will present yourself with the classic – "I'm coming down with a *insert suitable disease*". To make your inability to attend fully plausible, make sure to choose a contagious disease so that you can play the "I don't want anyone else to get sick" card. If the wedding is of non-familial nature, you may use the "Mom said no, bro" excuse even though you're 23 and live in your university dorm but they don't need to know that.
When push comes to shove, you may use assistance from a made-up obligatory family or friend event that you just can't afford to miss, alternating the family/friend part according to who the recipient of the excuse is. The last straw could also be lack of availability of your own transport but that often doesn't work as several rides seem to present themselves willing to take you with them. In that case, you could use Dhaka city's very own traffic problem and blame it on the roads and its immense traffic keeping you in one place for hours. You may include VIP movements as a nice touch.
All in all, the wedding season isn't everyone's glass of borhani and it's fine to want a break from time to time. However, to make sure no feelings are hurt in the process, remember to make your inability to attend clear to the recipient and that too at the earliest, thereby leaving no room for expectations. As for you, each wedding successfully dodged is a reason to celebrate. So get cosy under your beloved blanket, start sipping on some coffee and enjoy your time with your favourite Netflix binge.
Veronica Gomes is a socially awkward sophomore. Feel free to trigger awkward encounters by reaching out to her at gomesveronica1997@gmail.com