Life Lessons from the TV Screen
Schools don't teach us even a quarter of the stuff we learn from TV shows.
You know how you've always been told by your parents, "You'll understand when you're older", but now you're trying to figure out whether your hard earned degree would serve better as a tray or a coaster. You know what you should have done with all that time? You should have spent it watching TV shows.
Here I have prepared a list of the top lessons television teaches us.
MAKING FRIENDS
The best choice for an acquaintance is without a doubt someone from a different culture. If you are a white person then you would be best suited with a nerdy Asian sidekick. Yes, sidekick, because an Asian being the lead character? That's just preposterous.
FINDING LOVE
All you have to do is make sure you are at the lowest point in your life. This is when you will be graced with this perfect, almost angelic, human being who will sweep you off your feet and "change the way you look at the world". Do you have a best friend of the different gender? If you do, then why are you wasting your time looking elsewhere? That's your soul mate right there. Don't wait for your wife to die of a terminal disease to make you realise that Robin was THE ONE all along.
MAKEOVERS
All those top beauty salon ads lied to you. Makeovers do not cost that much. All you have to do is exchange your glasses for contacts and untie your hair in slow motion. Bonus points for a windy day.
FIGHTING
Are you an average person who's never had any previous training in combat? Congratulations. That alone qualifies you to win against any hardened criminal you ever face. Never used a gun in your life before? Do not worry, guns are easy. All you have to do is pick them up and shoot at the felon. Don't burden yourself worrying about aiming. Even if you aim in the opposite direction, the bullet will find its way to the culprit. It's simple physics.
FIDDLING WITH TECHNOLOGY
Real life may give you a wrong notion regarding the necessity of learning to drive. Even flying an airplane is fairly easy. Any noob can do it. Just press random buttons and voila. The previous technique can also be applied in figuring out high tech gadgets. If you're having trouble deciphering the codes of password protected gadgets, just wait until your pursuers close in, and the object will automatically open itself.
Now that the importance of TV is clear to you, put down your chemistry book and go watch the Pretty Little Liars finale. That's the real stuff.
Tasnim Odrika is having an existential crisis at the moment and doesn't really know who she is anymore. Send her compliments at odrika_02@yahoo.com.