Published on 12:00 AM, November 26, 2015

Humour

Why Bangladeshis should follow the NFL

When it comes to following foreign sports leagues, we Bangladeshis overwhelmingly lean towards the Indian Premier League and the English Premier League. But maybe, just maybe, it's time for a change. 

I humbly propose we follow the National Football League (NFL), the number one sports league in the world. I believe it resonates with us Bangladeshis on a deeper level than any other league. 

Don't believe me? Read on.

REFEREE DECISIONS AND COMPLEX RULES 
American football is infuriatingly complex, with unending rules and regulations. This naturally gives birth to frequent referee involvement and game-changing refereeing errors.

Seeing how we absolutely enjoy arguing over rules, bashing referees and basking in our victim complexes, maybe it's time to move on from the stale target of cricket umpires. American football provides much more of those.

COMMERCIALS
Research found that in a three-hour NFL game broadcast, only about 11 percent of it is actual play. Rest include people standing around, and commercials. Hundreds of commercials. For Bangladeshis who regularly tolerate innumerable ads for 5 minutes of content, this is basically nothing. We might even enjoy the sport BECAUSE of this!

POSITIVE BODY IMAGE SUPPORT 
Most sports require athletes at the peak of human fitness. Not in American football. You can become a pro with a flabby gut. Just look at most linemen. This gives hope to Bangladeshi males, seeing how most of us are suffering from varying levels of the same issue. 

BEATDOWNS AND INJURIES
Being a full contact sport, American football contains a high amount of "maramari". Concussions and bone crunching tackles all game long! One season ending injury in almost every game! Best of all, the action is all real, unlike pro wrestling. It serves all the destruction and violence us WWE-loving, public-beating delivering folks could ever want.

FOLLOW THE LEADER 
Unlike most sports where every player has more or less equal importance to the team, in American football, the quarterback is the undisputed leader and most important player. Teams build their squads around quarterbacks, and people passionately (and sometimes violently) defend their QBs, ignoring most of the surrounding small fry. Ring a bell?

MEDIA CIRCUS 
"Scandals" occur every season in the NFL. For example, the recent "deflategate" controversy was all about one team's game ball having a few ounces lower air pressure than allowed. This controversy shook America to the core, with every major news outlet treating it as leading news over relatively unimportant stuff like people dying in the Middle East. 

The players also generate enough entertaining news. One player got arrested for murder, another for running an illegal dog fighting ring. One player married the world's top supermodel while another got injured while drag racing. The NFL media coverage caters to the deshi tabloid-headline loving crowd's need for crude, useless news in a way that no other league in the world can. Attention: guys who wait for our cricketers to make any minor mistake and pounce.

AMERICA!
Beyond everything, the shininess, rampant consumerism and other unique qualities of the NFL make it a prime icon of rampant Americana. No matter how much we may bash the USA, there's no denying that most Bangladeshis love all things USA, starting with Hollywood. With our complicated, denial-laden fascination with the country, we will love the NFL for just how AMERICA it is. 

Novo Manzoor is an athlete. He surfs the web all day. You can reach him at: novo_manzoor@yahoo.com