How to Nail Interviews like a Pro - 100% GUARANTEED TO WOW

Landing that perfect job is as treacherous as the road to the Iron Throne – it's valar morghulis for all but one. You may have a great résumé but also have the confidence of a boiled potato. Or you've been a prodigious nerd your entire life and you don't even have 'Volunteer at KHABO' in your "About" section on Facebook. 
So let's face it – you're never going to differentiate yourself on merit and talent alone. 

What might you do in such instances, young grasshopper? Here are a few interview hacks if you have a lacklustre personality: 

RESEARCH CAN KILL
Nothing impresses interviewers like some thorough research. Yes, you may fit all the checkmarks but your battle doesn't end there. Do you know everything there is to know about the organisation or the job in question?

Take a page out of Hermione's book and REALLY obsess over the details. Here's a suggestion for the misguided: it's a great idea to reiterate every tiny detail about your employers – where they live, who they're married to, what they ate that morning, what their dogs are called, or where their children study.

Heck, if you really want to earn points, tell them how lovely you found their families as you observed them at their last vacation from a distance. 

That always does the trick.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF
"I have work experience in the fields of retail marketing and financial analysis…"
That should get you the job, right? 
WRONG. 

You are more than your résumé. According to seasoned interviewers, maturity is being comfortable in your own skin. So concise, to-the-point answers are the worst possible approach to this interview staple. Paint them a picture – quirky tidbits that make you, you. Tell them about the time you left the house without pants on. Or that time you accidentally called your girlfriend's mother and yelled "Sweetie!"

Recall any embarrassing, cringe-worthy memories that come to mind; it'll be a refreshing departure from the string of dull interviews they're probably used to.

DRESS TO DOMINATE
You don't get a second chance to make first impressions, and your attire is paramount in this regard. Use this chance to establish your dominance in the competition. 
Real men don't hesitate to pair bold prints with neon pants. As for the women, all those years you spent hoarding unnecessarily expensive makeup will pay off. Looking like Komolika from Kasautii Zindagii Kay is guaranteed to turn heads. Finally, remember to marinate yourself in perfume. If the interviewer can't smell you from the third floor, you're doing something wrong.

UP YOUR GAME
Now that you're over the basics, here are some advanced tips for the high achievers out there:

1.     Argue why soccer shouldn't be called football.
2.     Give unsolicited Game of Thrones spoilers to seem cool.
3.     Explain why your favourite Harry Potter character is Gandalf.
4.     Talk to them about how the world actually ended in 2012 and we're all in the Matrix.

Go out and conquer the world, young grasshopper. 

Mithi Chowdhury is a dog-loving-movie-watching-mediocrity-fearing normal person. Either that or a penguin. Find out at mithichy612@gmail.com