How to Deal with Your Ex-Girlfriend Getting Married

Twenties is a tough time for men. Sooner or later you'll discover through numerous posts on Facebook that your ex is getting married, while you are just scrolling down and liking cat pictures. The feeling of helpless loneliness of that can be overpowering.

Right from the moment you hear that your ex is tying the knot, you'll find that your attraction towards her has mysteriously gone up tenfold. No, no, no; don't even consider going and confessing your love for her in front of everyone. Life is not a Bollywood movie; you'll end up making a fool of yourself. Here are some steps to help you get over the "I'm such a loser" phase.

#1. Make a list of her cons. Firstly, you need to remind yourself why you are actually better off without her. So make a list of anything and everything about her that you dislike. Don't write anything positive about her, just the negatives. Does she judge people based on appearances? Write that down. Does she laugh funny? Write that down. Is she an avid lover of the 50 Shades trilogy? Why aren't you writing all these down already?

#2. Send her a congratulatory message, even if it kills you to do so. Why? To show her that you are over her, and to subtly convey that you aren't bothered the least bit. This in turn will bother her. You know, reverse psychology and all. And it will specially sting her if she's trying to rub her newfound happiness in your face. Keep the message simple, but add a little twist that leaves her hanging, like "Hey, congratulations! I'm really happy that you finally found someone to share your life with." The operating word here is finally. Who's having the last laugh now?

#3. Block her. If things had ended with the two of you calling truce and remaining "friends" on Facebook, now is the time to let her out of your sight for good. You don't need to see a gazillion pictures of her wedding and marvel at how pretty she looked in her wedding dress, or how she's enjoying her honeymoon, do you? Unfollow her, unfriend her, block her. Also unfollow her best friends or those who will possibly post a hundred pictures of your ex's entire wedding saga. They're all dead to you from this moment on, you hear me? DEAD.

#4. On the wedding day, buy yourself some kacchi. I'll just go ahead and assume that you weren't invited to your ex's wedding. In case you were, I hope you aren't considering going. But why should that stop you from having the biye-bari food? Go get yourself some good kacchi biriyani and borhani. In fact, gather up your buddies, head over to Puran Dhaka, and claim, "Tonight, we feast like kings!"

I would ask you to throw a shindig on the day of her wedding and to invite all your mutual friends, but we both know you probably don't have that much dough in your pockets. So settle for the kacchi and borhani instead.

#5. Finally, man up with some guy movies. Be it the Mission Impossible films, Rambo trilogy, or anything else, every guy has some favourite action movies that they can watch any day, any time. So select your favourite action films and go for a marathon, and keep watching them till your testosterone levels go so high that you become Vin Diesel overnight.  

If you tried all of the steps but still can't get over your ex-girlfriend getting married, get a big box of ice cream, turn on a chick flick and cry yourself to sleep. Embracing your feminine side helps, I hear. 

Arman R. Khan is a caffeine addict, a dreamer and a culture enthusiast who takes life one day at a time. Correspond with him at arman.rahman.khan@gmail.com or tweet @ArmanRK