How to be a decent neighbour

Dear neighbour,

I'm aware that I'm not exactly the ideal housemate. But I'm also not the one hauling around a bulldozer in my room at 2 AM, so I think it's safe to say that I win in comparison. I'd really rather be sleeping right now than teaching you how to be a decent neighbour. However, since I really like living in this house and your actions seem to have the intention of driving me out, I need to vent.

When you were first making a ruckus, dragging around furniture and drilling holes all the way through your walls to my inner ear drums, I assumed you were renovating. It's been two years. What circus is going on over there? Kindly make up your mind where you want to place the chairs instead of dragging them all over the place.                                                                          

While your regular family squabbles do make up my daily dose of soap opera and helps cut down on cable bills, I'd like to request a change in the time schedule please. I really don't want to be rudely awoken by the routine Aunty vs Bua feud about who broke the tea cup; or the string of profanities directed to your son for not waking up. News flash, he wasn't the only sleeping. Please keep it down or invest in sound proof walls.

Moreover, I'd like to take this opportunity to appreciate the sweet, melodious voice that you have. See, I truly do admire your angelic voice and determination of waking up at the crack of dawn to let your melody soar. That being said, I'd appreciate the art much more if it were scheduled at a later time. It's difficult to cherish the harmony at 6 AM when I've barely had two hours of sleep. At that point, you're a monster screeching inside my head and I can't help but curse you. Sorry not sorry.

Finally, we must address your conspicuous love for Shutki, which I obviously do not have an objection against. You can indulge in all the Shutki you want, as long as it is processed and cooked outside a 5 kilometre radius of my house. Or the least you could do is give me a period of notice so I can evacuate the premises for the week. I haven't yet found an air freshener that can overpower the pungent stink. I'm doubting such a product exists as this point. So please, sympathise with my nostrils.

See we can surely live in peace if we try. If not, I can arrange blaring boom boxes and late night dance parties just to get back at you. Ball's in your court.                                                                        

Insincerely,

Your neighbour.                                                                                                                                                                              

Samin Sabah Islam believes there are very few problems in life, if any, that a good nap can't fix. If she isn't asleep, your queries may be answered at sabahsamin11@gmail.com