Being Fairy Squad Parent
At 17, I wasn't ready to be a mom. More so, the mom to five immature, rowdy hoodlums who laugh at videos of cats urinating on babies. See, I didn't really opt for the squad mom life. But between making coaching reservations for my friends and brushing off food crumbs from their chins, I realised this is who I am, I am fairy squad mother.
Squad mother comes bearing advice (asked and unasked for), affection and food. Say you're thinking about getting back with the lying ex who supposedly changed his ways. Pop! Here we come, flying you out of Neverland and getting it through your head that you can do much better. Seriously, we're not letting all that post breakup ice-cream we consoled you with go to waste. You can't really hide these things from us, we feel it in our appendix every time you make a stupid decision.
Whether you're feeling insecure about the angry pimple on your forehead, or just found out that Taskin Ahmed is off the table; fairy squad mother will be there for you, nurturing you with homemade cupcakes. We're good listeners, and we don't judge you.
Being squad parent comes with a natural mama bear instinct. We don't randomly start growling or catching fish with our mouths, but I assure you the innate protectiveness is real. Even if we're minion sized and our 5'11 friends conspicuously don't need shielding from us, we will pounce at anybody saying nonsense about our squad.
As a squad parent, we learn to adult before any of our other friends do. An important role of the squad parent is communicating with intimidating waiters and teachers on behalf of the squad. When the "You go" "No, I went last time, you go" drags on too long, the helpless pleading pairs of eyes eventually find us. We have to get up, tune in to our adult voice, and ask for another packet of ketchup. These are significant responsibilities we've taken on our shoulders.
Being a fairy squad parent isn't really a self-proclaimed title. You'll even yourselves convincing your parents to go out by solidifying your debate with the mention of our presence. Real parents trust squad parents. They know we're responsible and sensible. For instance, if you're going for a road trip-
Your bag: Phone, headphones, a week old can of beverage, half eaten crackers, some paper with a scribbled phone number, the ID card you lost two years ago, food crumbs, ants, used tissue paper.
Squad Parent's bag: Phone charger, adaptor, dry food, water, diarrhoea medicine, a map, a T-34 tank, money, wet wipes.
You get the idea.
However, being a squad parent sometimes translates being the party pooper. You'll frequently find us saying things along the lines of, "One month left till exams guys, I think it's time we delete Ludo Star from our phones and make time for some mark schemes". We're the annoying pop up notifications that you can't put on silent. We'll constantly remind you exactly how much of the syllabus you've left untouched and how you should save that money for emergencies rather than buying more lipstick that you'll never use. Squad parents aren't stupid, we know that you probably ignored all the six links we sent you about how staring at your phone all day can kill you. However, we operate with the theory that maybe if we nag you enough, one day you'll comply just to have us shut up.
Samin Sabah Islam believes there are very few problems in life, if any, that a good nap can't fix. If she isn't asleep, your queries may be answered at sabahsamin11@gmail.com