This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Deep quotes are dead.



TAURUS

Believing is sleeping while singing.



GEMINI

The iPods aren't there anymore.



CANCER

There's a storm coming, Mr. Bane.



LEO

6 cups of tea a day is breaking you.



VIRGO

That which is small isn't really small.



LIBRA

It's actually big.



SCORPIO

Are you ready to vibe?



SAGITTARIUS

Are you ready to vibe?



CAPRICORN

There's beautiful cheese where you can't see.



AQUARIUS

French toast can't solve your problems.



PISCES

Waffles are a mistake.