This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Inter galactic communication is happening right now, through this magazine.



TAURUS

Never say never is a paradox.



GEMINI

Fearful as I might be, I will do this.



CANCER

I have you. And you are not good.



LEO

November brain masala at Star Kabab is to die for.



VIRGO

Ill gotten are the ideas that come from brain masala storming at Star Kabab.



LIBRA

Timothy, have you seen my new shirt? It says, "Brain Masala."



SCORPIO

Yawn, sweet prince, you have earned it.



SAGITTARIUS

Water is what the next world war will be fought over and also what they drink after it's over.



CAPRICORN

Apathy is the millennial's greatest weapon, after brain masala.



AQUARIUS

Robust joke making will get you places. Bad places, but it will get you there.



PISCES

Spicy brain masala is not for the light hearted.