This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Today, you will get the gift of banana.

TAURUS

I swear you don't look like a PS4. You look great! 

GEMINI

Tomorrow, you will have the pickle in the world. 

CANCER

Get the next generation Voodoo graphics card. It's great!

LEO

Show me da real deal!

VIRGO

Stop crying. It's going to be okay.

LIBRA

Jolly good show, lad!

SCORPIO

If you want a cup, get a hiccup.

SAGITTARIUS

Are you sure you'll look great with that sombrero?

CAPRICORN

You need to stop opening up restaurants everywhere, man.

AQUARIUS

She said do you love me, I tell her "yes".

PISCES

No wholesome message for you.