This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

You should really get rid of that empty water bottle.



TAURUS

Arrange all your party hats and drift around them.



GEMINI

If you have a cat, please feed it now.



CANCER

Don't listen to Higos. They are not good rappers.



LEO

It's 6:07 PM, where are my results?



VIRGO

If you're a Virgo, do you have Vertigo?



LIBRA

The cause is lost. Just cause.



SCORPIO

Don't make waffles anymore please. We have enough of those.



SAGITTARIUS

Don't carry an umbrella tomorrow. Do you really think it's gonna rain?



CAPRICORN

Don't ditch your colleagues to the canteen tomorrow.



AQUARIUS

They ask me what I'm doing not how I'm doing.



PISCES

You should probably stress less. Less stress.