This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Push me to the edge. 



TAURUS

All my friends are bread. 



GEMINI

Ever feel sad that you're just a pawn in the universe's grand scheme? 



CANCER

Are you one of those kids who likes to stay awake at 6 PM? 



LEO

Each one of you has a burrito. Find it. 



VIRGO

Can I not listen to you anymore? 



LIBRA

Now where did I keep that beaver-repellent? 



SCORPIO

I don't know what made you into who you are but okay. 



SAGITTARIUS

I'm not sure how I feel about banana on pizza. 



CAPRICORN

In today's headlines, you have read this sentence. 



AQUARIUS

Trust me when I say, it's going to rain Nutella soon. 



PISCES

The great sea turtle has told me you'll find a 5 taka coin in your kitchen sink.