THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Aries

Bear a child. One must learn the ursine ways of life.

Taurus

White sauce goes well with pasta only if it's whipped well.

Gemini

A truck with GPA 5 will call your mother. 

Cancer

Three pieces of chicken will dictate your future. Choose wisely.

Leo

Buy an acre of land in Narayanganj. Thank me later.

Virgo

Why aren't you modding your Pajero yet?

Libra

Lick your doggo. You must show love the right way.

Scorpio

Go to the airport. Stay there.

Sagittarius

One entire barrel of hand lotion will fix any past trauma.

Capricorn

Oil your own sandwich maker.

Aquarius

Put your hand inside an aquarium. Now rub the fishes like that. Mmm.

Pisces

Keep a picture of your boss on your desk. It will bring good luck.