THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Aries

Arial is your lucky font today. 

Taurus

Try mayonnaise and tea with fried chicken. 

Gemini

You know who your soulmate is? Gemaxi. 

Cancer

Wearing a skull bracelet doesn't make you cool. 

Leo

Leopold Butters. Remember the name. 

Virgo

Do you know how to be a banana? Help.

Libra

Ask your local barber if he can give you the Taco Look.

Scorpio

Take a swig of coffee and mayonnaise. Mixed together. 

Sagittarius

Did you rice your Probox yet? 

Capricorn

Don't try attaching a stapler to your mouse. 

Aquarius

I did warn you about the loop pedal. 

Pisces

Do you know your star sign is pronounced as "Pie-sees"?