THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Aries

Please don't go to a university JUST to take selfies. 

Taurus

I'm serious. You're clogging the traffic.   

Gemini

Why can't you just take your precious flower filter selfies in your bathroom? 

Cancer

I'm sure no one cares because they've seen the same selfie over a million times.

Leo

Pahela Falgun is about celebrating spring and not making life harder for other people. 

Virgo

Did you have a date on Valentine's Day? No? Typical.  

Libra

I'm sure I can 2v1 you in For Honor. 

Scorpio

Are we just going to pretend you didn't eat all those chips? 

Sagittarius

If you took your date out to fuchka and chill, you're a cheapo.  

Capricorn

If you took your date to Butler's, you're a buccfoi.  

Aquarius

I told you not to check yourself out in the elevator. ​

Pisces

Did things improve for you on that day?  ​