THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Aries

If you're coughing, it's best to just swallow honey. 

Taurus

Go green, okay? Only you have what it takes.  

Gemini

I'd recommend you ginger but you're already Ron Weasley. 

Cancer

If I have an elephant, would you pet it? 

Leo

Your destiny is to become the Butters of your friends circle.  

Virgo

Are you suffering from vertigo? 

Libra

I heard you're very picky with partners. 

Scorpio

Yeah, you probably stink. 

Sagittarius

Don't play Genji either please.  

Capricorn

As I walk through the valley of doughnuts...

Aquarius

Now that Trump is finally president, what are you gonna do? 

Pisces

Everything changed with the Vape Nation attacked.