THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Aries

Be prepared for an aerial surprise attack from Spiderman.

Taurus

How did the elephant in the room die? 

Gemini

The love of your life will call you. You will cut the line and order pizza.

Cancer

Do humanity a favour and find a cure for yourself.

Leo

Why do lions audition for National Geographic when there's HBO?

Virgo

We don't talk anymore. We don't talk anymore.

Libra

You will meet Boltu, Usain Bolt's brother. 

Scorpio

Steal old Pokémon cards from your neighbour.

Sagittarius

Why is Jason Momoa's beard so pretty?

Capricorn

Work out. Because you will lose your selfie game soon.

Aquarius

Shout under water for 5 minutes. It will bring good luck.

Pisces

Sign up for the Suicide Squad after an abysmal experience at the movie theatre.