This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Rainy days are the best if you have someone to make tea for you. 

TAURUS

Chocolate cakes will give you a heartache and a heartbreak.   

GEMINI

Are you even allowed to touch oranges?    

CANCER

Lemon-mint is just the English medium cousin of lemonade.  

LEO

You are not your own enemy but your enemies are your friends.    

VIRGO

Some of the people who work at night need more time to work. 

LIBRA

I refuse to tell you that you are not a good boy/girl.     

SCORPIO

Roses can be used to dye your hair red.    

SAGITTARIUS

The best kind of people have the worst kind of taste in pizzas. 

CAPRICORN

If you like apples then your name is probably not Adam.   

AQUARIUS

You are the sum of all the cups of tea you've had in a day.  

PISCES

Someday you will find yourself right beneath the landslide.