This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

You should visit your mom more often.   



TAURUS

Why are you so sad when you can be really sad? 



GEMINI

Lions don't eat their babies like hamsters do.    



CANCER

Your pen is only mightier than a knife.   



LEO

Could you pass the mashed potato?    



VIRGO

Someone should really fix the air-conditioner. 



LIBRA

Some people always smell like bananas.    



SCORPIO

Don't drink water if you are drowning. 



SAGITTARIUS

If someone tells you look like Hercules, they're lying.  



CAPRICORN

Never eat clams with your hands. 



AQUARIUS

Brock said fire-type Pokémon are strong against water-type.



PISCES

You are your own favourite boss.