This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Tea is best served chilled. Chillies can be tasty.



TAURUS

Don't use your soap as a mic in the shower. Just for this week.



GEMINI

The sum of all your worries is a number that is imaginary.



CANCER

Is it even an image if it isn't 3D?



LEO

Go for a short trip to your local bakery. Ask for leftover bread.



VIRGO

Your wish to become a stand-up comic is the real joke here.



LIBRA

Do you remember your old friends, xylem and phloem?



SCORPIO

I once asked someone the time. He said it was bad.



SAGITTARIUS

Take this free advice. Advices can be confusing.



CAPRICORN

Khichuri is more than just yellow rice; it is yellow rice and daal.



AQUARIUS

Look for a job. But become a musician at the end.



PISCES

There is no point fighting over little things. Find something your own size.