This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

You are not alone.  



TAURUS

Oranges can be subjective too.



GEMINI

Unhinge yourself from your woes.  



CANCER

Are you sure you like peanut butter ice-cream?   



LEO

So, you're saying that your goldfish ate your cat?  



VIRGO

Kangaroos will visit you in the near future.  



LIBRA

Early birds don't catch worms, they catch a cold too.   



SCORPIO

Does it look like it's going to rain on your parade? 



SAGITTARIUS

I know you like Garbage Patch Kids.  



CAPRICORN

Don't worry, I wouldn't remember to buy milk either. 



AQUARIUS

Dogs don't like people who don't love them.



PISCES

Pink is not your colour.