THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

ARIES
To be rich, start shearing yourself.  

TAURUS
Never believe a matador, he lives because of you. 

GEMINI
Gemini loves Gemini, but loves to date a Virgo.   

CENCER
The more legs you have, the more you weigh. 

LEO
Don't meow meow , SHOUT!!!

VIRGO
Why are your eyes still dry? CRY CRY CRY!

LIBRA
You are so light and pale; brighten the dark.

SCORPIO
You don't have wings so get back to your mate.

SAGITTARIUS
Hide your tiny little tail for this week. 

CAPRICON
Your DNA says you are SATAN.

AQUARIUS
Empty pitchers make the loudest noise.

PISCES
2016, 2017, 2018; these are the years you will remain single.