THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

ARIES
If you don't want to be the sacrificial goat, act like a MACHO MAN.

TAURUS
People don't like bull's meat, so try to be more social.   

GEMINI
It's the best time for astrology. 

CENCER
Never visit a Chinese restaurant.  

LEO
Once a man said, tiger = lion, lion = tiger.

VIRGO
I don't understand. How can a boy be Virgo?

LIBRA
See a doctor, your left foot is smaller than the other foot.

SCORPIO
Close your eyes, call your mom and get slapped.

SAGITTARIUS
You can dream about participating in the Olympics, not as an archer but as an equestrian. 

CAPRICON
Distinguish yourself from UNICORN.

AQUARIUS
Oh! She doesn't need you anymore. Her dad has ordered a geyser.

PISCES
Stalking on Facebook won't work.