Letters of a daughter

Dear Baba,

I keep staring at the fidget spinner in my hand. It keeps me focused. I wish it kept me distracted. It's funny how people keep advising me on how to cope up with my loss, without even understanding it.

People think that my life, without you, has changed. I'd be honest with you, it hasn't. My life is exactly the same. It's the same routine. The same people and the same job. Without you in it.

Little things have changed here and there. I keep turning around the corners, waiting to meet you and suddenly realise you're not there. It does hit me momentarily that you'd never be, but I overcome it. Or at least I pretend to. I keep trying to call you, before a scary exam, but you're never the one answering. I mindlessly put your shirt or shoes up, forgetting you'd never ask for them again. But I do remember. I move on.

They told me, everything will change now. It hasn't. Just that these little things tend to take up more space now. I do wonder at times, where to post these letters. Or what you're up to? If your phone still keeps buzzing all day, or if you still wonder when I'm not home in time. But I push them away. That's just how it works now.

Admitting that I miss you every other instance would be a huge understatement. So instead I tell myself you're like my favourite lyrics, I find you everywhere I see, "but never to touch, and never to keep".

I love you,

Your little princess.