Local yet Foreign

When you belong to more than one ethnicity, race, country life is bound to get interesting and often challenging. Moving halfway across the world, facing identity issues, and overcoming language barriers are just a few of the things that come with this life.

Often biracial children have to move to a different country, usually from one parent's to another's. This was the case for Mark Ahmed*, who was born to a Ukrainian mother and a Bangladeshi father. He isn't quite sure about where exactly he belongs. "I was born in Ukraine, then moved to Moscow and spent 10 years there, and now here I am in Bangladesh," he explains. Undoubtedly moving so frequently was no simple task, and learning three different languages made it no easier. "I didn't really know much of Bangla or English at that time, my first language was Russian. However, having smaller schools here helped; I could get special attention that allowed me to learn both languages [Bangla and English] fast enough. TV helped as well," he reminisces.

Labeeba Khan*'s (17) sister is married to a Nederlander. Dutch being her brother-in-law's native language, it was challenging for him to communicate in fluent English, let alone learn a third language. "The entire family has been incredibly supportive of him and helped him improve his communication skills," she says.

Language seems to be the first barrier to being accepted in a new society. While being trilingual may earn one bragging rights, it doesn't happen in a day. Aisha Yanagi Salauddin (19) is Bangladeshi and Japanese. She discusses the struggles of learning English, Bangla and Japanese simultaneously: "I lived in Japan for a year during kindergarten – that and daily conversation with my mother has maintained my fluency in Japanese. But writing in Japanese is still challenging because of all the characters and steps. I find English quite easy but struggle with Bangla a bit, and my friends often have a laugh when I say things like 'tok tok e shada' (instead of 'toktok e laal')."

Kadin Ehsan Imdad (19), who is American and Bangladeshi, moved to Dhaka at an early age. "My mother is from Connecticut but spent most of her life in New York, as did my father, and that's where I was born," he says. The pressure of the lifestyle change seems to be a common feature in the lives of young biracial/multi-ethnic people. "It was difficult to fit in at first when we lived in Puran Dhaka with my grandmother in an apartment that hadn't been renovated since the '60s. But when we moved to Banani and I started going to school, I made great friends and it eased the hardships I had initially faced," Kadin adds.

Belonging to very diverse families has its obvious ups and downs, one of the most excruciating being acceptance. When Labeeba's* sister finally told their parents, reactions were ambivalent. "As Bengali parents, they were a little surprised, but not for more than a couple of seconds. It wasn't any different from accepting a Bangladeshi son-in-law into our family. She received full blessing from the immediate family. However, the extended family showered her with nothing but angry calls and nasty remarks about marrying a foreigner," she recalls.

For Tanesha Koshy* (15), being part of a multi-ethnic family hasn't been free of challenges. Her dad, who hails from India, fell in love with her Bangladeshi mother during their education abroad. "It's still difficult for everyone to fully accept their marriage, but I guess everyone relaxed a bit after I was born," she says. 

As a baby, everyone would find it adorable whenever she tried to convey messages in dual languages. As she grew older, her mom would bepressured to teach her Bangla more often. Some even went as far as to try and estrange the father and daughter duo. Of course, as a young mother trying to fit in, she'd try to do as others told her until she realised it had a lingering effect on little Tanesha*.

Mom wouldn't let me watch English cartoons and bought multiple DVDs of Meena. As a baby, my mind would retain anything that was belaboured. This led to less communication with dad, because we'd only converse in English, sometimes a mix of Hindi and Bangla. Mom knew that it had a strain in our relationship, and decided on reverting to our old traditions," she says.

The sad reality is that being biracial or multi-ethnic doesn't go unnoticed and seems to be fodder for social stigma, making one prone to racism and odd, insensitive remarks. 

Samee Al Haque (23) has had a much more diverse childhood. His father is Bangladeshi and his mother Filipino, and he was born in Kuwait. "In Kuwait, I studied at an Indian school where I learned English, Arabic, Hindi, and French. Initially, I did not learn my parents' languages –Bangla and Filipino. After graduating from school in 2011, I decided to move to Bangladesh to pursue my bachelor's degree," he explains.

During this time, Samee had to tolerate some unsavoury name-calling. "During my university days, I was called 'Kuwaiti dumba', 'Indian chele', 'bideshi goru' etc. Some people criticised my lack of fluency in Bangla and claimed that I don't deserve to be called a Bangladeshi, and that I should be ashamed of myself, but these remarks didn'tstop me from feeling Bangladeshi."

It's still somewhat of a taboo to marry outside your own race/nationality. "Most people just couldn't accept my sister's marriage and looked down at her as an 'uncultured' girl, who wasn't respectful towards traditions. Distant relatives tried to warn us of the guy with 'shada chul' and even went as far as to tell us that their kid wouldn't look Bengali and wouldn't be accepted!"– exclaims Labeeba* in disbelief. 

This isn't to say it's all 100 percent gloom and identity crisis. As Mark* explains gratefully, "The Russian Cultural Centre, the embassy's events and movie nights help me feel more at home." He enjoys both cuisines, especially since his mom is a great cook, even with Bangladeshi dishes. "My favourite dish from Ukraine is Pelmeni, a type of dumpling," he adds.

Speaking of cuisines and cultures, biracial and multi-ethnic kids tend to get the best of both worlds. Aisha is torn between Japanese cuisine and local Bangladeshi dishes: "At times, in Bangladesh, I really miss the wide variety of authentic Japanese snacks, and when I'm in Japan I get sudden cravings for chanachur or fuchka." 

Tanesha* loves being part of a family that is diverse in ways only few people get to experience. The knowledge that she's received from her parents is, to her, far more valuable than maths or science: "My parents have taught me that regardless of people's race, religion or culture, everyone is first and foremost human, and humanity is what we should fight for." 

We live in a world where our worth is often decided by the colour of our skin or the amount of money our parents have. Maybe if we let go of the customs that teach hate and perceive people for who they really are, life would be a bit easier in this already toxic world.

*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Salma Mohammad Ali fears she is becoming a crazy cat lady and uses writing as a means to grasp on to sanity. Send her your views/hate/love at fb.com/salma.ali209

Maisha Maliha speaks what crosses her mind in the most positive way but is often misinterpreted and thought to be a lunatic. Unfollow her at www.facebook.com/MyshoeMaliha