VIRUS FACTS AND FICTION: Are tigers back in Ramna Park? They were never there
There is panic in the air. Rightfully so. A dangerous criminal has just been released amidst a possible withering away of the power structures as we know them. But before we get too caught up in Lenin's dreams, let's address some of the more important rumours and absolutely not debunk them.
The rumour: Reports and lies have emerged of Royal Bengal Tigers returning to Ramna Park after all the privileged people in the city went into self-isolation. As the environment began to improve in literally three days, the tigers made the arduous journey from god knows where to post up in the park, known as the lungs of the city.
FALSE: There are no tigers in Ramna Park. People have also not really gone into self-isolation because had they done so, how did they know there were tigers in Ramna Park? None of that really makes any sense whatsoever. Experts say it is more possible that what was thought to be tigers were actually just unemployed cricketers roaring at each other.
The rumour: Disinfectant will now be sprayed all over the city using helicopters.
PARTIALLY TRUE: While not exactly disinfectants, they are what is normally known as chemtrails. Chemtrails are the wavy, smoky lines you see behind planes. Look up and you will be sure to notice them. The planes are spraying chemicals down from the sky to depopulate the earth. This has been going around for years. But considering that the human population went up from 1 billion in 1800 to 7.616 billion in 2018, we can safely say the chemtrail plan has been a spectacular failure.
The rumour: The men in green will be picking up people from their homes and murdering them to stop the spread of some virus.
WE WISH: We don't really wish it, although there are proponents for it in this country. These people are very loud or maybe they are the only ones talking in this time of immense crisis. But if you are outside to hang out with your friends, because for some reason you think your close friends would never give you a virus, then I guess it's a simple choice of harming a million or harming one.
The rumour: Mass prayers are the best way to fight a contagious infection.
UMM?: A highly infectious virus should be not be fought off with mass prayers. Does that make sense? If a virus spreads from one person to another, then why would you all congregate together and then pray it doesn't infect you. BUT, have you heard of the universal shared-consciousness theory? It posits that if a lot of people come together and will for something to happen, or if only one person does it, then the universe will listen. Dr Shahrukh Khan proved this theory in some movie where he said something about how the universe comes together to do what you want if you want it bad enough. So, we can be on the fence about this one, not because we want to, but you know it's the better option givenconsidering how offended some of these folks can be.
The rumour: Women are safer on the roads as most of the men are gone.
FALSE: Just no. They will come back. It's a pheromone thing.