Take that, mate: Alien cricket team’s 4-point demand leaked
In the latest press conference following the third T20I of the bilateral T20I series, the Alien cricket team introduced an outrageous Four-Point Demand for the hosts amid the pandemic, saying they will only continue playing if those are met.
However, they had only revealed the first of their four demands while stating that once they are pleased with the arrangements that fulfil their number one demand, they will proceed to reveal the rest. Another challenge for hosts Earth is that they have only been given 3 hours to come up with a plan that will raise the probability of the participation of aliens on earth by a whopping 25 percent.
The men from Up Above have demanded that they will only grace their presence in the remainder of the series -- taking place in the recently-declared independent country of Merepoor -- if, and only if, both teams are forced to play with: separate balls.
It was not clear what they had really meant by this demand, which has been the usual case with alien interactions throughout history. And a journalist from Earth's light-years-ahead leading newspaper -- The Daily Nebula -- had the audacity to even ask what they had meant by "balls" in this context.
"It is what it is, mate! Take it or leave it!" replied Even Stevens, the spokesperson of Cricket Aliens (CA), when asked to expand upon their latest demand.
Mother Earth Cricket Board's (MECB) chairperson Tobda Khan responded to the situation, saying: "Obviously, situation is under control as usual. After all, this is the era of the new normal'. But having said that, it's not that much of a new thing unless you happen to be unfamiliar with alien invasion -- I mean, alien participation. We'll do whatever it takes to set this series in slingshot motion. I mean, whatever! Moreover, through hosting this unprecedented cosmic event, we can also earn multiple cookie points among the Intergalactic Cricket Council's (IgCC's) Big 3."
It has been one hour (at the time of writing this report) since the press conference and already speculations are bouncing off everywhere like Brownian motion.
However, a MECB member, requesting anonymity, told The Daily Nebula that for the first time in history, a bowling machine will be involved in a cricket match to meet the Aliens' demand.
In this supposedly state-of-the-art bowling machine, a bowler will feed the ball into the machine wearing sanitised gloves, and even PPE, and will be able to select the type of delivery from a range of options- all customised based on the individual bowler's profile. Once the ball enters, it will pass through the machine in which it will be decontaminated and later come out after the bowling machine generates a sound from its loudspeaker that shouts out: "TAKE THAT, MATE!"
Rumour has it that The Daily Nebula's team is moments away from releasing a scoop after one of their sports sub-editors had received a seemingly strange, encrypted holographic image on his microchip right after the press conference ended; however, it turns out that the message was written in good old Morse Code.
Apparently, the contents of the scoop had already leaked and begun floating inside various social media platforms at the same time the rumour surfaced. Upon analysing the leaked materials, three demands (along with "separate balls") from Cricket Aliens were found to be the most common
These are:
1. The residents of Merepoor, within a 2-kilometre radius from the Stadium, have to be evacuated before the fourth T20I. Those couple of million souls will only be able to return to their homes after the Alien cricket team, following the series' completion, board their UFO on their way to space.
2. Wicketkeepers from both teams will have to be barred from standing up to the stumps, so that a minimum six feet distance is maintained with the batsman.
3. Installation of several helipads, preferably around Cow Corner, so that the Alien cricket team and their staff can quickly flee from the stadium in the event of any of the demands from the Four-Point Demand get violated.
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