Saint Martin’s man arrested for fraudulent use of the word ‘resort’ and other adventures

Saint Martin is supposed to be the next big tourist destination for Bangladeshis. Fact is, Saint Martin has been the 'next big thing' since it was first discovered. The second fact is Saint Martin will always be the Mario Ballotelli of the tourism world: the potential is there, but it can never be realised.

It seems no one with any grasp of the island's commercial potential has stepped forward to do something. The one reason for this can be the stupid journey by what is supposedly a launch. It's a two-and-a-half hour journey, interrupted every ten minutes by a very confused captain, who berates everyone for standing on the right side of the vessel. "I am warning you again, the boat will capsize if we don't balance it out, please go to the left side," he will say, and then everyone will just move to the left side. The captain will then ask everyone to move to the right and this will go on.

The launch, without anyone following any of the health measures, is the first thing that dampens your mood about the adventure. That and the seagulls, which have a constant need to be fed.

 If you survive the journey and reach the Island, the second thing to hit you will be the massive underdevelopment. Rustic and quaint would be the words you would use to describe the island if you were a patronizing jerk. The true word is backward.

The island is so backward, you almost feel like you will run into your great grandfather at any moment. Cars? There aren't even proper roads. Want a brand name fried chicken? Not a single joint in the entire island. Want to explore the cuisine? It's a bunch of gram flour soaked coconuts and whatever fish they can catch.

If you have a dignified palate, the island's food is not for you.

But wait, the beaches you say? They are pretty, sure. Blue water, white sands, lots of shells -- which the islanders will warn you against collecting to ruin your mood further -- and other beach things. But a beach swimming pool? Doesn't exist. You want a beach activity that doesn't involve coconuts? Doesn't exist either. Want to eat the freshest, right off the sea BBQ'd crabs and flying fish? You can do that, but all the island has are fish and crabs anyway.

The beaches still have trees, like no one has thought of clearing those up for DEVELOPMENT PURPOSES. You will be walking on the beach and boom, trees. What are trees even doing on the beach anyway? Can someone get five-star hotels to clear this mess up, please?

Saint Martin's has the potential to be one of those Thailand islands. It can also be the Maldives of Bangladesh. Except it won't because no one has any interest in developing the island and getting rid of its useless, pristine beauty.

Finally, every local with a room calls it a resort. One tiny room. One tiny bathroom. No centralised electricity. Yet, it's apparently a resort because they give you shampoo and soap. No ATMs either, by the way, so if you are a refined cashless man, then in the island they will call you poor.   If modernity is what you want Saint Martin's is not for you. Also, no kids to save either, so no chance of taking pictures with skinny local kids. In other words, much ado about nothing.